Juice-ly 5th: Dependence.

Day Five, and my body is starting to get the message that I’m not going to be feeding it solids for a while. Yesterday for dinner my wife made herself and the kids a meal that smelled amazingly good. Barbecue chicken in the crock pot (in other words, slow airborne torture all day long) and broccoli in the steamer. Not that the idea of eating the chicken itself was all that appealing to me. My brain no longer views animal flesh as food. It was the combination of barbecue sauce and spices that got me. I wonder if I could use those same spices on seitan or tofu? Or maybe make up a batch of homemade BBQ sauce that didn’t contain all those additives and preservatives that make us want to eat whole bottles of it? (Wait – is that just me?) 

Later, in a concerted effort to insert the olfactory thumbscrews, she put some tater tots in the oven. We got lost in conversation and she forgot about them until they were baked beyond edibility, but under normal circumstances tots are probably one of my top few foods. There was a reason why they were part of the Last Solid Meal of my Thirties. 

Even amid temptation, I learned a valuable lesson yesterday. I sipped on my dinner juice, which was a variation on Joe Cross’ Mean Green. Normally I eat like I’m trying to establish a speed record, and I shovel two or three helpings, until whatever food is there is gone. This time, however, I savored every “bite,” and I was still sipping on my dinner long after the rest of the family had finished theirs. By being more deliberate about eating, I was able to focus on having substantive conversation and accommodate the needs of the rest of my family before my own. I’m happy that God is willing to teach me this lesson as many times as it takes me to figure it out on my own.

Completely spontaneously, I upped the ante today. I’m augmenting my juice fast with a water fast, which I’ll probably do every Sunday. I didn’t intend to do it this way, but I need to keep the purpose of the fast in constant view. If I make this all about me, then I will definitely find myself needing to reboot all over again (as I find myself now), instead of willingly giving up solid foods in favor of fresh juices for a regular, predetermined period of time. If I’m pursuing selfish ends, and not surrounding this whole experience with prayer, then I will find myself caving in to another selfish desire when the time is ripe enough. Witness the slow, steady degrees that progressed between eating fast food drive thru in my car to eating vegan junk food in my car. Constant prayer is the most effective barrier I can erect between myself and the fiery bolts of the evil one. 

My body is doing some interesting things in response to this curveball. Right now I’m weak, though not all that hungry, not particularly mentally sharp (so excuse the rambling nature of this post, if you will) and rather tired. I know, however, that discipline requires a degree of discomfort, if not pain, and that this too shall pass. I’m not a doctor, and I don’t recommend anything that I’m doing to anyone else who hasn’t done their own due diligence regarding the health benefits of all kinds of fasting. But I know that even my current physical weakness as a result of the water fast provides me with a perfect picture of the ways in which God sustains me when I am unable to sustain myself (which happens much more often than I think it does).

Fourth of July weekend represents the height of the summer. From here, as an educator, you can start to feel the next semester chasing you down from behind. With six good weeks remaining, however, now is no time to think about winding the break down. Independence Day – a term that seems to have been replaced in recent years by the less descriptive moniker “the Fourth” – is also a pretty humbling contrast for this food addict. There is no reason for me to make any grand pronouncements declaring my own independence from addiction. I know the accuser is waiting for me to take such liberties with this struggle to lay me low yet again. There’s nothing but dependence here, both good and bad. 

I’m a bible-believing Christian, which essentially means that I gain understanding of the world and strength for the battle that lies ahead from God’s Word, the Bible. At some point I’ll probably relate my spiritual journey here, but not yet. Anyway, just know where I’m coming from when I use quotes like the one I’m about to use. You see, there’s this divine transaction that goes on when God Himself saves a human being from his or her default condition. God takes our ashes – the stuff we pursue on our own terms that keeps us from experiencing abundant life in God’s presence – and replaces it with God’s own beauty. I’m not talking about the kinds of things we perceive as beautiful in the cracked lenses we use to try to make esnes of this world. An airbrushed supermodel, or a feat of athletic prowess, or a maudlin chord progression designed to yank on our heartstrings. Real beauty, the kind of splendor that lowers you to your knees when you understand that God created that and allowed you to experience even the tiniest portion of His full glory. I could give some examples of this from my own life, but I’m sure everyone has their own mental images to fit this description. Run with it! 

I’m not about to say that I’m dependent on food in particular, or sin in general. Quite the opposite. Through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit, God has made it possible for a believer to be completely free of his or her previous condition of enslavement to sin. That freedom, however, only comes when we recognize our utter dependence on a sovereign God for everything in our lives. Even so, there is a constant battle that rages within the heart of a believer. The curse of sin on this world is real, and it is deeply imbedded into everything we do. 

The heart of the matter is that there is no way I could rely on my own strength to survive a six-week juice fast. The cravings eventually go away, and my body stops shedding weight and goes into famine mode. The sights and smells that once triggered impulses to consume mass quantities of food no longer make it very far past the sensitive outer defenses between my sensory organs and my brain. Part of that has to do with my body's response to extended periods without food, but another huge part of it has to be the palpable presence of the Holy Spirit. You might not agree, and that's your right. However, I can't deny God's fingerprints all over my life, and I can't sugar-coat it for you if you deny any part of God's existence. 

I promise I'll talk mostly about food and stuff going forward! Thanks, though, for reading this far - especially if you disagree with anything I've said above...