Juice-ly 19th. The Battle of the Scale, cont'd.

Hoping my food addiction has finally fought its Waterloo.

Day 19: yesterday started out pretty rough but ended great. After I fought those demons of hunger ravaging through my hollowed-out belly on Day 17, I finally managed to get to sleep. However, with all the liquid I drank to stave off hunger I literally had to wake up and go to the bathroom every two hours, which meant that I got absolutely no great sleep at all.

To add insult to injury, I stepped on the scale thinking that my incredible willpower would result in a little more weight loss than usual, and...not only did I NOT lose an ounce, but the scale said that I had actually GAINED 2.2 pounds! That's a whole kilogram!!

Naturally, this is when my inner demons began to kick it into high gear. "Why are you doing this to yourself?" they asked me. "You might as well get something to eat, if you're going to gain weight while juicing!" they continued. "You'll NEVER make it to One-Der-Land like this..." they tutted. And a million other negative things that had my mind in an absolute funk when I dwelled on it.

Didn't really have much time to do that, though! We spent the morning at a local farmers' market, and my wife ended up getting some succulent locally-grown fruit, while I got some organic greens for my juice. I was actually going to try to do most of my shopping there for a few days, but I balked when I realized how much these farmers wanted for one of their humongous cucumbers. Too much.

I did, however, get some great inspiration for when I'm finally eating solids again! One thing I'm itching to incorporate into my lifestyle is kimchi. I love those little slivers of pickled ginger you get with sushi, so I know I'll enjoy the fermented taste of kimchi added in with big, beautiful salads.

Oh, that reminds me. Right now there's a war a-brewing inside my head over that first week back on solids, after my 40th birthday. One side has been responsible for those sidelong glances I've been giving whenever I pass the fake vegan meat aisle in the grocery store. I found that I enjoy the taste and texture of seitan in all of its various forms, and I've even developed a taste for tofu (though I said I wouldn't). I want to sample some vegan brats, for example, but I also want to be able to make my own seitan. I've found some prettty good recipes online that will no doubt help me.

The other side, however, is really interested in making sure that I don't gain ten pounds in the first week I'm back on solids, just because my eyes are much bigger than my stomach, and I want to try all the foods. That side is leaning towards eating mostly raw meals, with the occasional vegan meat dish as a small side to a heeee-YOOGE salad. That side leads me to sites like this one, designed by a woman who has eaten raw for over a decade now and posts amazing recipes and YouTube videos showing just how she makes each and every meal. I literally pumped my fist when my wife told me that we already have a spiralizer! Zucchini noodles, here I come!!

This...

...or that?

Rhetorical question: which one of those eating plans would lead me to continued weight loss, and which would lead me crawling back to a reboot sooner rather than later? The one filled with living foods that feed your body exactly what it needs, in exactly the right amounts? The one you can eat in virtually unlimited quantities because of its low caloric impact? Or the one filled with processed junk designed to taste good, that fill you with empty calories and keep you eating and starving at the same time?

I know the answer. In fact, a large percentage of my meals going forward will be colorful fruits and veggies, mostly raw. Still, though. Vegan meats as small sides and/or cheat meals might just be one of the keys to a workable long-term eating philosophy.

Back to the story, though. My disappointment with the scale was slightly compounded by the state of my tummy, which had been gurgling ever since I downed my breakfast juice. I thought I might have to go, but for the most part in the morning it was just gas. I know, TMI. Believe it or not, this is a key component to the rest of the day.

Once again, I was responsible for making sure the kids had lunch. I gave the two girls fresh blackberries to get their stomachs ready for more good fruit, while my year-old son devoured his share of blueberries. When those were good and done, I cut up a couple of the peaches we had just bought and split them among the three kids. My oldest loved them. My two-year-old started out with good intentions but ended up leaving most of her half of the peach under the Tupperware I used to give them portions of fruit.

Stir together and you get...instant awesome.

Making lunch for my kids is usually a mere annoyance, but lately it has gotten increasingly difficult, because of the cravings. I know that the products I'm cooking for them are designed to lure customers in by smell, but that knowledge doesn't help me to rationalize the struggle any further than that. The organic chicken nuggets were not really much of a temptation, but my oldest daughter has recently discovered the wonders of my favorite condiment concoction, the ketchup-mustard swirl. Metchup, if you will. Has to be yellow mustard, or it never happened. Anyway, remembering that taste was causing my mouth to water, as it is causing my mouth to water as I type this sentence. Yum! Can’t wait to eat it again, with some healthy food!

We’ve been trying to transition my son at least away from the breaded, processed nuggets to grilled chicken. My wife bought a bag of frozen, pre-cooked stuff that needed to be heated up on the stove. This time, the smell of the spices really got me thinking about how I could use those spices in some non-meat related dishes.

At this point, I was not feeling as weak and hungry as I was feeling on Friday night, but I was definitely missing…something. And having to go to the bathroom, basically every half hour. I thought this was a good thing, since poop equals weight loss, but then – I thought that Friday night as well and was proven dead wrong. The kids ate well enough, but there were a ton of leftovers, including quite a bit of “metchup” on my daughter’s plate. Here come those demons again. I’m at home, alone, with my three kids who love me and wouldn’t know anything about it if I just sucked down their leftovers like I used to do all the time. “No one will ever know,” the demons said. “Why not just have a little taste, to see if you still don’t miss it? I mean, you didn’t lose any weight yesterday. You even gained a pound and a half (apparently, I can lose weight in the shower). You’re reading about how all these other people are making modifications, why don’t you? Besides, all kinds of people say that sometimes you need a little kick-start. Maybe this will help you in the long ru…”

Hunger can make the strongest among us feel like a crackhead in New Jack City.

I didn’t even let the demons finish this time. I should have just thrown the whole plate of leftovers away, but you know what? I actually left them there, as a reminder to myself. I didn’t eat a single bite, didn’t lick the spoon clean of metchup, and I cleaned up their lunch and made myself another juice. Bam! We’re at war, chumps. Also, rather than try to drink more water to stave off hunger, I actually drank less. I figured that less water and a little bit of a fight against hunger was far better than not getting a full night of sleep because I was rushing to empty my bladder every couple of hours.

Not only that, but I also managed to make it to a friend’s going away ice cream social and be social, minus the ice cream. I stayed for an hour and then went in to get some work done for school. Social settings aren’t my strong suit to begin with, but I managed not to make food central in this setting and talked to people over the incessant gurgling of my insides.

Sir Winston knew what it took to win a war.

Well, did I win? I stepped on the scale this morning and it said that I had shed the weight I gained, plus an additional 2.2 pounds. Yep, that’s another whole kilo, and a great affirmation to the power of willpower. After gaining weight for the first time since I started this juice fast, I ended up losing more than I have on any single day on this fast. Instead of having to start it all over again, I have officially filed another victory into my memory banks for when I’m back eating solids again. No matter how hungry I think I am, I don’t have to give in to any craving I ever have. Even if that craving involves overeating good foods (as I had been doing pretty often since late April). Every day I’m finding that addiction doesn’t listen to reason, and it is always trying to come up with new ways to breach your strongest defenses. War requires constant vigilance, not compromise. Ultimately, everyone has to do what makes the most sense in their own lives, but for me, only unconditional surrender and death by firing squad will be a suitable fate for my food addiction at the end of this war.

Are we close to that? Possibly. Churchill once said, after the brave citizens of England and the Royal Air Force had beaten back the German blitz, “Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” Seems to fit here.