NOTE: These entries were originally posted on Facebook during November 2014, a month in which I embarked on my first super-extended juice. I began the month with some significant health problems and ended it some 40 pounds lighter!
Since then, I have eaten a whole-food, plant-based diet and lost a total of 125 lbs. and counting. I hope you are able to benefit from my struggles. Enjoy, and feel free to leave a comment!
I remember this day quite well. I had the Thanksgiving holiday squarely in the front of my mind, and God gently tapped me on the shoulder to remind me that there are more important things to think about than the future, for one. And that He is right there, with a host of angels, if necessary, to guide me through this and any present or future struggle. It's always comforting for me to remember that!
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| Denzel, making The Denzel Face, fighting addiction in Flight. |
Which was nice and all, but the highlight of the day at school was having a refreshingly honest conversation with one of my friends in the history program about our struggles against food addiction. I enjoyed it so much, mainly because my friend felt comfortable enough to sit down and share her story with me. Also, I’m getting increasingly comfortable just letting go of insecurities and shame that I would have held deep down inside of me before I started this juice fast. It’s going to take far more than just a few short weeks to drill down to all of those issues, but I think I’m off to a promising start.
Later, sitting at the cafĂ© at Giant Eagle Market District, I put David Crowder on my Spotify. I’m not normally a huge fan of songs with a ton of repetition, but in this case the repetition is what finally got me to pay attention to what Crowder was actually singing.
Oh, praise Him! He is holy!
Such a simple song, but such a powerful message. After days like this, all I can do is praise Him, because it’s like I feel Jesus walking right alongside me, pushing me right through what would have been some serious temptations just a short while ago. I hope I can praise Him even as I begin to wrestle in earnest against my addiction in the blink of an eye and a half.
On the way to school for my workout this morning, I thought of a scene in the Denzel Washington movie Flight, in which he plays an alcoholic pilot. The open minibar scene. Denzel’s character seems to defeat the demons inside him urging him to take a drink, but the scene doesn’t end when you think it’s going to end. The camera focuses on a tiny bottle of vodka in the foreground, blurring the rest of the room as the soundtrack cuts out. Silence. Watching that scene as an addict, you just know what’s going to happen before it does, but you’re hoping against hope that it doesn’t happen the way you know it’s going to.
He’s going to cave in. [More silence, just that bottle.]
[Silence, as anticipation begins to tear through the chest cavities of every addict watching that scene.]
He’s gonna cave in!
Finally, all we see is a blurry swipe of the pilot’s hand as he palms one of the small bottles of clear intoxicant, and you realize that it’s over. [Every addict knows exactly what that phrase means in that context.] The next scene shows a trashed hotel room and a completely empty minibar.
That’s me and food, right there. Just when I think I’ve made it through another day having outlasted my urges, it’s 1am and I’m done with my reading for the night and I’m making my second cheese sandwich while I’m in the middle of eating my first one. [A scenario that is way to specific not to have happened, multiple times, in the days before this fast.] And it’s over. For sure, God’s grace and mercy is made new every morning, but you can only surrender so many times before you’re lying prostrate before Him, pleading for Him to intervene on your behalf in what has become a one-sided fight. I know I’ve experienced some tremendous victories this month, but I also know that my demons have December 1st circled in their calendars as well.
What they don’t realize, however, is that whatever happens when I start to eat solid foods again, it’s going to happen in the context of war. Today, I declare war against my flesh – that part of me that urges me to heap even more food onto my plate, when I haven’t even begun to savor the first bite. The part of me that thinks it’s okay to open and empty a container of anything in one sitting. That inner man who is perfectly content with hitting the snooze button and missing a date with the treadmills at RPAC. The guy who lacks even the most rudimentary self-control when we drive by the golden arches or that all-too-familiar smell of flame broiled “beef” wafting from the king of burgers. Yeah, that guy. Mr. Mediocrity. I switched over to the other side of the rope in the tug-of-war battle for my quality of life.
There will be days when I get dragged into the mud, I know, but I am determined not to let those days slide into weeks. I’m enlisting everyone who has read these posts this month as my accountability partners. In my right mind, before the darkness of the trials come, I’m telling you all: if I’m not talking about how I’m eating and/or working out, then I’m slipping and trying to cover it up from you. Know that today, and don’t be shy about asking me how my 90 percent vegan lifestyle is going. And don’t take lame answers. Actually, I’ve been talking to a couple of people today about the possibility of chronicling my continued fight in a blog, so that might happen after “Juicevember” is but a memory. Stay tuned!
I’m fully aware that even the most successful generals lose battles, but those defeats come with the caveat that they will be back in the face of the enemy again, ready for the next hostile engagement. I have a host of angels behind me, and the Holy Spirit within me. This war is already won. #juiceon
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Tomorrow's flashback post contains some eerie foreshadowing on the dangers of eating too much good stuff. Specifically, vegan cashew cheese. Stay tuned! In the meantime, peace and blessings to all!!
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